I am not scared

January 9, 2017


It has been a long hiatus from my blog and I have all the excuses in the world. But that is the nice thing when it is personal, there will be an ebb and flow to the journaling process. This is a portion of my life that I want to document to look back on. It is after the new years of course (look at the date) and I just feel in my gut 2017 is going to be epic in a good way. I always believe in my gut, I always believe when my "spidey" senses are tingling. You can call it my third eye or whatever you believe but it has not led me wrongly yet. So going back in time, New Years Eve. If that night is any indication on how my year is going to be....then I am just buckling up and ready for the ride. We went to ShadowBox live and to echo what my husband said, it was the best new years celebration we have experienced since being a couple. So much happened in 2016, struggles, victories, sadness, joy. But that was then and this is now. I really do not want to outline what happened. It feels weird to me to celebrate past victories and to dwell in past sadness. So I am moving on. I have so many goals that I want to accomplish this year, but most importantly, I am going to love the experience of trying to obtain those goals. I am finding, as I get older I enjoy the "getting there" more than the destination and planting the flag of getting it done. I was going back an forth if I wanted to list my "I wish" statements........back and forth like a seesaw. But I am going to expose some. 1.Blind adventurer with Roxy Utah 2. Grow in my career and projects on deck hit it out of the park regardless if it implemented or not; going to work hard on the momentum from 2016. 3. meditation and mental health 4. embrace my visual impairment and do things that people may think is impossible 5. work on my own personal family ties 6. work to live 7. minimize the importance of material things and create experiences I will not forget 8. money is not what drives adventure, so travel more and figure it out on a show string budget. be a traveling vagabond. 9. Dive in deep into my creativity and explore I am not sure if that makes any sense to anyone.....but it makes perfect sense to me. Poem: Not scared Look both ways before you cross the street, Check the temperature of the water before you jump in, Don't look directly into the sun, I listen to the roar of the engines going past as I walk without looking. I like to feel the shock of the cold on my skin or the sleepy comfort of hot; either turning my skin into cold pebbles or hot mush. I am a child of the moon, so i laugh at the face of the sun and look right into the beams of light; daring it to try to melt me. I am not scared Things I would never think about doing, Things I would always talk myself out of, Things I would have a committee to make the decision, My blindness created darkness to my fear. I am not scared when you spend a day in the dark, with no escape from the monster under the bed, no escape from the claws and teeth of the dark that can bite you.... life does not seem so bad, and no reason to run from it. I am not scared Being present in the world, makes me not scared of the world. Being present in the world, keeps the darkness bearable. Because trust me, you would want to open your eyes if you had to live in darkness everyday. My eyes are open but does not let me forget the teeth and claws of my childhood monsters under my bed. I feel the cold air they create around me, I smell the breathe that they blow in my face, My heart beats to the cadence of their footsteps, I know they are their but I am not afraid.

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    @2017 Roxy's Guitig Paws

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