A new month already started and I wanted to share how my running adventure is going so far. My half marathon I feel is creeping up on me and I do not have as much time as I thought to get prepared. With weather permitting, I try to run/walk my normal trail that is 4 miles. I still feel like I fatigue too fast, that I am still walking too much and I am not increasing the length I am running. My goal was to be running four miles already and adding to it.
To not feel totally defeated.....
I had to step back and give myself credit of what I have accomplished so far before the "you can't" monster got me. I am not only learning how to run again since I have not done so since my early 30's but I am also learning the sensation of different types of terrain. It has taken me longer to translate and understand, concrete vs sidewalk vs gravel vs grass vs uneven terrain. With all the different surfaces, I had to learn the concept of not committing my step just in case it was not level in order to prevent any rolled ankle injuries. I also had to learn, how to trust my peripheral vision and light perception that I have not trusted in for five years now!!!!! I had to let that fear go. I also have been training my guide dog to run a mile with me; for Roxy to understand commands, to keep my pace, for Roxy to understand she is still guiding even when she is running. Roxy and I have missed curbs, I have tripped, I have scraped my knees, I have down right fallen. I have cried tears of frustration, I wanted to give up. But I have not.
I have not even started training with my Sighted guide yet with the tandem rope. So, I need to cut myself some slack.
This half marathon I am doing in Utah is a timed event. At the six mile mark, if you are not under or at an expectable time, you can not complete the rest f the race. I am stressed because I really want to cross the finish line but I have to more importantly remember why I am doing this in the first place now that the race is only 2 months and 2 weeks away.
1. To show that anyone with a disability is able to be active and be part of what they desire
2. To raise money for Guiding eyes for the Blind
3. To raise awareness of being active from a unique perspective
4. To fight the fear I have everyday that I am going to fail at this
5. To show my loved ones that I am not helpless
6. To just get started in my adventures and plan for the newest adventure in 2018
7. To bring awareness to service animals and the huge impact they have in people's lives that use them
8. To meet new people and make new connections
9. To travel to different parts of the US that I may have never otherwise traveled
10. and last, to come back from the experience a changed person
I am reminding myself of those more important goals other than not disappointing any one, of the possibility of not crossing the finish line, of not being able to run the whole 13 miles gives it new focus and makes those initial fears and frustrations trivial.
I keep repeating, one step at a time of proving to myself that I am worthy, that I belong, that I am strong and that in a unique way I am contributing to the fabric of life and affecting others around me.
So I will keep trying,and remind myself to not let fear cripple me and to always smile through all the trips, falls, and pain. I wanted an adventure and I definitely got one!